Date Night

About a month ago, Firstborn and I were driving somewhere and had the radio on in the car. That awful, maudlin Delilah person was on (I believe she is nationally syndicated so that the whole world gets to hear her sappiness) and a mother called in and asked her to play a song for her date night with her son. She explained that they go out once a week together and do fun things, just the two of them.

It's no secret, especially to regular readers of this blog, that Firstborn and I have struggled a lot. I saw him listening to what the mom was describing, and right there, I decided we needed this idea in our lives. Since I see Baby B. a lot without his brothers on his two free days off from preschool, I figured that I would try alternating taking the older two out for a night one-on-one. So, last Sunday night, I had an inaugural "date night" with my middle son C.

Why did C. get to go first, you ask? Oh, because the two boys FOUGHT OVER WHICH ONE OF THEM "HAD" TO GO WITH MAMA. Yeah. Made me feel ultra special, let me tell you. After C. conceded in his middle child way and offered to go first, I heard him whisper to Firstborn, "... but you OWE me now." Awesome. Thanks a lot, boys. To all those eight thousand strangers and friends who like to coo, "Oh, boys love their mamas!" and "You'll be the Queen of the House!" I say, Shut up.

I decided I want date nights with the boys to be more than just one-on-one time. I want it to be time when I get to say yes a lot. I want to be the Good Time Parent, the role usually reserved for Daddy. It will only be a few hours a week, so I don't want to worry about setting examples and limits during that time.

Last Sunday, C. and I took a trip to Toys 'R Us to purchase a few small Lego sets with a gift card we had left over from some holiday. It's not often I get to just take the kids to a toy store out of the blue for no good reason, and it's even less often that the kids get to stand in the aisle and look up at the myriad boxes and choose something just for them. You can understand why this was special to C. Afterward, we went to Friendly's, that bastion of healthy kid food, where we shared sliders and french fries and C. was able to order a Make Your Own Volcano Sundae. He even licked the bowl. We talked about the new school, his new friends, his teachers, and his new swim team. We talked. That in and of itself was both miraculous and special. I gave him a few dollars for the much-coveted Claw Game in the Friendly's lobby and we drove home.

Tonight, Firstborn and I ventured out for a showing of Nanny McPhee Returns, which was really cute and made me cry, dammit. Firstborn was able to eat popcorn and a Sprite, a very rare treat, as well as some gummy candy, also usually verboten for its cavity-inducing qualities. I let him have two dollars after the movie to play video games in the theater lobby, something he always asks to do but I rarely acquiesce to, and then we went to grab frozen yogurts just for good measure (hey, it's nonfat). There we had time to talk about various flavor combinations, the movie, and his new school. It was so nice to just be able to hang out with him and not be disciplining him every five minutes. I could focus my eyes on him and not be watching two other children. I didn't have to worry about whether or not the toddler would miss a potty-training cue.

So this date night thing is working out. Yes, I am plying the children with sugar and treats. So what? I have to say no to them all week long. It's great to have a few hours when I get to say yes, to slow down and let them lick the bowls. We're not in a hurry. In fact, I savor every single minute.