My kids are not (always) assholes

During my hiatus from the blog, I attended my fifteenth college reunion. As I have written many times before, I love my alma mater fiercely, and I adore my friends and classmates that I met there. I mean, for the most part. Ninety-nine percent of them.

While I was at my reunion this year, I was struck by how many people approached me and told me they read my Facebook status updates all the time. As I admitted below, I am not a natural Twitterhead, but I am a Facebooker. With friends spread out around the country and sometimes the world, it really keeps me in touch with tons of people I would otherwise lose in my life and it also keeps me in the loop locally with my mom friends and organizations, so I find it insanely useful. But see, the classmates approaching me at the reunion, with few exceptions, don't actually post on Facebook much if at all, yet they read all of my posts. Which left me feeling a little weird. Naked, I guess. I guess I usually assume that if people don't post on Facebook, they don't read Facebook either. Ding-dong wrong, apparently.

I bumped into one friend late one night at the reunion. She had obviously been partaking of some adult beverages, as is her prerogative. After we hugged, the first thing she said to me was, "Wow! So your kids are, like, assholes, huh?"

I was taken a bit aback. I mean, I post snippets on Facebook about my kids -- who give me plenty of fodder for Facebook status updates, as you might imagine. I try to mix in positive updates along with the sarcastic, the weary, or the downright done kind. I mean, my kids are kids. Sometimes they are sweet, sometimes they surprise me, and sometimes, yes, they are assholes. But they are kids. Kids can be assholes. I'm not one to sugarcoat my kids. I will tell you when they are amazing, when they are brilliant, when they are heartbreakingly kind and generous, and when they are douchebags. I am sure they would prepare the same reports about me if given social media accounts. We're all human beings, and we're all assholes sometimes.

But in that instant, I realized that all my friend -- a rock star doctor who travels the world -- knows about my kids are what she reads on my Facebook status updates. And all she had taken from that is that my kids are assholes. I stood there sort of in stunned silence as she went on: "I didn't really want to have kids, but your Facebook updates have totally confirmed it for me," she laughed. "No thanks!"

Luckily, she was tipsy enough that I was able to navigate away from her gracefully, but I felt shamed. It made me doubt what I write about my kids both on Facebook and here. Just for the record, my kids are not (always) assholes. My kids are kids. I love them more than anything on the face of the planet. I marvel at how freaking hard they are sometimes. I berate myself for not being good enough to them or for them. I think they are awesome.

Some locals were surprised when I showed up pregnant this fall. A few voiced that they were befuddled as to why I would have another kid when the ones I have are such a handful. They are an awesome handful. They do kick my butt all the time. ALL the time. But they are the best things in the world, too. I love my little kid gang. And I think they make each other better. One more is going to be fun. Hard as hell, but fun.

So before we move on, I just wanted to clear that up. It's been bugging me since June. And that childless rock star friend? She has since, with her husband, added two puppies to her household. I look at the (many, many) pictures on her Facebook status updates and chuckle to myself. Because puppies? Can be so much bigger assholes than kids!